My Journey Into the World of Yoga

So yeah, Ive done a few things in my life I'm not very proud of -- hey maybe even more than a few. I thought for sure what I did today would be one of those embarrassing things; it didn't turn out that way though.

Today I ventured into the Gainesville Health and Fitness Center Tioga location. I went out there for some yoga.

Now, i'll admit, it's not the coolest shit I've ever done but that's not the point. I'm comfortable enough in my skin and with my sexuality and I needed to figure out if there was something I was missing out on. It turned out I was.

I rolled into the yoga and pilates studio in my sneakers; this was my first mistake. The footwear of choice seemed to be Birkenstocks with the owners of which being pretty much all 50+ granola eating yuppies. Now I'll admit at first glance I was a little nervous about the whole situation.

My second mistake was hurriedly grabbing a pair of my brother's gym shorts on the way out of my mom's house, only to find out, right before walking into the class, that the dumbass had written MCNASTY in huge black letters right across the ass of the grey shorts. This would be embarrassing during a normal trip to the gym, but when you're going to a yoga class, with older women in close proximity, you don't exactly want them taking guesses as to why the hell the young guy in the class has MCNASTY on his ass. Very awkward.

The instructor was a red haired lady who looked like she'd had one to many muscle relaxers, she was nice in directing me to my very own rubber mat, but you could tell she was REALLY into the whole eastern culture thing.

As soon as class started I was informed by this ginger yoga guru that the Chuck T's I was rocking needed to come off; this was a shoe free environment. I knew that my feet smelled like they'd been soaked in a combination of man-sweat, locker room and cat urine, so I was understandably hesitant about following this order. I relented however, who am I to disrupt all the good chi flowing through that room. I decided in my head an appropriate compromise would be for me to leave my socks on. Yoga master Karen probably thought in her head that I was an ignorant asshole and then told me, a little more forcibly mind you, I needed to lose the socks too. Now while this did not necessarily cause me any direct discomfort I'm sure the 50 something gentleman in front of me, who was very serious about his yoga posing, did not appreciate my nasty ass man stompers in his face, stenching up his personal area for an hour and 15. But that's life in the yoga room when I'm practicing my moves.

The class was pretty intense though; those ridiculous poses are much more difficult that one would have expected -- especially one who probably couldn't touch his toes for 10 grand. The verbage was a little corny, the lady kept making references to becoming one with earth and tapping into your inner energy, but it was effective. I was shaking and sweating and struggling along like some fat kid in gym class.

Aside from the Warrior II, the down and upward dog, full moon and lotus we did some guided meditation too. Now this shit was intense. I think I was actually hypnotized at one point and if it weren't for the fact that I was very concerned that I was so relaxed I was going to experience some involuntary flatulence, I think I would have fallen asleep.

All in all, I would suggest this experience to anyone comfortable enough to try it. As long as you can avoid giggling during the egregious "Ohhhhhhhhhmmmm" sessions its really a pretty interesting thing. Hell I may go again... without the MCNASTY shorts of course.