Quote of the Day

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they are going to feel all day."

-Dean Martin

Worst Marketing Plan Ever

If you haven't seen the Mike's Hard Lemonade commercials recently let me fill you in.

An overweight, pathetic, Chris Farley knock off, bumbles around in the "Hard Lemonade" factory before an overbearing "man's man" supervisor bursts into the room and stymies the fat fellows plans. A glass of lemonade then slams down followed by a bass-filled voice proclaiming something along the lines of, "in a world gone soft someones got to be hard."

Are you shitting me? Can they really be so foolish as to think they can convince America that their product is anything but a pansy-asses version of a wine spritzer?

IF they were smart they would angle their "hard lemonade" to the only people who would ever drink it -- 14-year-old kids who don't know any better, men who drink it in secret and sob themselves to sleep at night and women with feathered hair.

I mean c'mon, I don't usually buy into macho bullshit but if you're a man and you drink Mike's Hard Lemonade regularly, I couldn't be friends with you. Case closed.

There commercials should say, "if you see someone buying our product, or ordering a bottle at a bar, punch them in the face... seriously... just rear back and cold-cock 'em right there... they probably deserve it..."

Sack up and have a beer.

Caption This

Caption this picture of maligned Bears, and former Gators, quarterback Rex Grossman.

Rex was never the prototypical "big man on campus" but I mean, honestly, who could resist the power of the neard -- the neck-beard for those of you who live under a rock.

It appears Rex likes the captain even more than, seemingly, no-look intercptions to the flats.

RIP Tim Russert

For those of you who haven't heard, "Meet the Press" host Tim Russert passed away yesterday, at the age of 58, of a heart attack.

Russert was known for his humanity, slant-less analysis and ability to bring energy and personability to anything he covered. Tim Russert holds a special place in my heart as a fan of the Buffalo Bills. He was a product of a south-Buffalo neighborhood and was an unabashedly proud Buffalonion -- a distinction hard to find amongst almost anyone of note in the public eye. He defended the city and it's proud history and was beloved by nearly every Western New Yorker -- no matter what party they affiliated with.

Much like when that damn Stingray barb cut Steve Irwin's life short a couple years ago, Russert's death yesterday shook me to the core.

Here is a video about the Bills that features Tim Russert; it kind of defines the way I, and many others, feel about the area and culture it represents.

Way To Go Lakers

Well, just when we thought we may have an epic series on our hands, that could go the distance and provide us with classic moments for the ages, Kobe and his group of flunkies managed to piss away a 24 point lead, at home, in the most critical of Finals games.

In, what could be, one of the most pathetic displays of playoff fortitude I've ever seen, the Lakers managed to score 33 points in the second half after dropping an absurd 34 in the first quarter. I think the Lakers had us collectively wondering if we'd been wrong about which team had more potential, them or Boston. But when you have Lamar Odom remember that he is a career underachieving bum, "The Gasman" Pau Gasol remember that he is still a soft-ass, Euro mid-range stooge and Kobe Bryant perform like a WNBA role player, admittedly, it's tough to win -- even when the other team basically spots you 25.

Once the Lakers lose this series I hope the Kobe-Jordan comparisons can be immediately placed on hold. I'm pretty sure MJ never blew a lead like that, in the Finals, while allowing himself to completely disappear at times finishing with a dismal 17 points.

Kobe needed to will that team to a win last night and, in the end, he just couldn't do it. I guess that magic "switch" that Kobe claimed to be able to turn on at will, at least for last night, was short circuited by Paul Pierce's defence.

Game four was almost exactly like watching the tortoise and the hare -- that is if the hare was notoriously soft and fully expected to eventually be run down by the gritty and stubborn tortoise, even if, for a few minutes, he made you believe he was going to sprint away with the race.

I Just Don't Have the Fortitude To Be Under The Weather

I believe I may be getting ill. It is easily the worst thing that has happened to me this week. My throat is beginning to get sore, I'm experiencing some slight congestion and my demeanor has turned unmistakeably sour.

I would like it a great deal if I were to feel better, although, I understand illness is inevitable during the days of a hard-living summer.

Hopefully, things take a turn for the better so I can be back at premium operating capabilities.

Wish me luck on my way to a full and speedy recovery.

Quote of the Day

"I suppose I have a really loose interpretation of ''work,'' because I think that just being alive is so much work at something you don't always want to do. The machinery is always going. Even when you sleep."

-Andy Warhol

Get Your Sned-ness Up

Ladies and gentleman, this is Brandt Snedeker. He is my new favorite golfer.

After watching him down the stretch at The Masters, I couldn't help but be drawn to his calming demeanor and general lack of concern about the magnitude of his situation. He reminds me of Dupree from the cinematic masterpiece "You, Me and Dupree." I imagine that he likes to talk about regaining his Sned-ness when he's having a rough go at it out on the links. He is, no doubt, in tune with his zen and, truth be told, I'm not sure he really cares whether he succeeds or fails; the Sned is always happy with a strong personal effort.

I have money riding on Snedeker today so my fan-hood is at an even higher level. Let's just say if Sned makes the cut at the U.S. Open this weekend I'll be one happy man.

Hopefully the guy is throwing seven kinds of smoke.

The Journey Begins

On Monday I begin my journey into the heart of the service industry; I will be waiting tables and taking names.

I would have probably accepted the job for no pay. For whatever reason I've always thought I would be a great waiter and I knew someday, one yay or another, I'd need to figure out if my assumptions were correct.

My new boss seems really cool and the crowd at this establishment seems to be of the older variety. So, it's pretty much a recipe for extreme success. I plan to do more schmoozing and galavanting than anyone in the history of western civilization.

It'll be a grand ol' time to be sure.

C'mon MJ -- Pull It Together

It seems MJ has been enjoying himself since his seperation from his wife. This picture is a testament to just how much fun he's having.

I'm not sure what his Airness is on in this snapshot but it seems to be quite potent. For all you Kobe hypers who think he's as good as MJ, this is the state Air Jordan would have to be in for Kobe to have a shot. Jordan would probably still have to spot him five playing to 11.

All jokes aside, the guy is awesome. He probably just blew a mil and a half at the Blackjack tables and is about to find a ten to bed.

Only in America! Long live the King!

Gyptian: Give IT a Listen

If you've never heard of Gyptian allow for this to be your formal introduction. This song is a viber.

Put it on and vibe ladies and gentleman.

Quote of the Day

"Friendship is a pretty full-time occupation if you really are friendly with somebody. You can't have too many friends because then you're just not really friends."

-Truman Capote

Lets Hear it for the Gray: Question Everything, Bank on Moderation

I was thinking today, as I am sometimes inclined to do, about life and grandiose and vaunted ideas like happiness, political mechanisms and subversion. I was floored. Where has moderation gone? As far as I can tell there is rarely ever black and white or pure good and evil in this world. When did we forget about the gray?

It dawned on me, as we hurry towards this election, that through our own human emotions, so many of us have forgotten about being open minded. Somewhere along the line we decided our positions and are now fiercely entrenching ourselves in them, for better or worse, ready to go down with the ship if that's what it takes. How many people do you really know that are going to go into the election this year, prepared to listen to debates and analyze differences open-mindedly and, in turn, vote for the candidate that fits their beliefs best? Maybe a few. How many more people do you know, however, that have made up their minds, long ago. No matter what comes out about their candidate or how bad they may look in debates and when forced to talk about future plans of action, they will vote for that candidate come hell or high-water and then turn around and tell you how stupid you are for not feeling the same way that they do?

Moderation. That's the answer. As long as Democrats watch CNN and listen to NPR, accepting that as gospel and Republicans watch Fox News and listen to Rush Limbaugh gobbling it up as hate-fodder against "Dumbocrats" the divide will continue to grow.

How can some people be so defined and connected to one political party? It seems a little absurd. Do these people really feel that strong of an allegiance to these politicians -- the slimiest of slimy Americans -- or do they merely enjoy associating themselves with what they like to perceive as the model-self of their party, making it easier to hate what they think the "other side" represents.

It's so much easier for a yuppy Democrat to stand back and say, "Oh those ignorant and uneducated conservatives are ruining this country. Guns and religion, guffaahh! With their war mongering and blood thirst. So basic." or a stubborn Republican to say, "Those liberals are such pussies. A bunch of ambulance chasers and Marxists ruining this country because they're so soft and feminine. They want the US to be France West." than it is to actually do research and take a step back to understand why, as Americans, we can feel so differently about issues. We would rather group together, generalize and point fingers than actually figure out where someone else is coming from.

Lets take today to turn it around. Question everything. The message; the sender; the potential motivation of the message sender. Ask yourself why you feel a certain way. Is it because you really believe it or is there another, less genuine, reason?

There usually never is absolute truth. Take time to see the gray and the direction that that may guide you.