Quote of the Day

"When I hold you in my arms and I feel my finger on your trigger I know no one can do me no harm because happiness is a warm gun."


-John Lennon

The Carter 3 Has Leaked: It's Official

For all of you WeezyHeads out there -- The Carter 3 has been leaked to the Internet.

I'm not a Lil' Wayne fan myself but I understand it's really the cat's ass to some of you out there.

One Weezy fanatic, after listening to the oft-delayed album, said, "I've only listened to the first four tracks, and at first I didn't know what too think. But, after listening again, I think it's clear that Lil' Wayne is taking a much more mature approach to his music. I feel like, despite how different it may be from his previous work, true Weezy fans will be able appreciate this growth as an artist. I'm going back to my room now to vibe out to the rest of the album."

Cornhole, Notes, Quotes and Anecdotes

These two gentleman, pictured above, are playing a lovely little game called Cornhole. It is not a drinking-game, per say, although, some ice-cold beers can't really hurt.

Two boards, which have a six inch hole cut into them, are set up roughly forty feet apart. The object of the game is to either land your bean bags on the board or throw the bag through the hole. One point is awarded for a bag on the board and three points for a bag in the hole.

The game is usually best played outside. We were merrily doing this last night when all hell broke loose.

My compadres and I were minding our own business, enjoying a little game of Cornhole in my friend's backyard. There was no music and we were keeping our voices down; we were being good citizens to say the very least. Everything seemed reasonably moderate and discreet. The psycho neighbor lady could not have disagreed more.

This old bag comes screamin' eagle over to the front door shrieking and crying like a banshee. A more mature older woman may have simply asked us to keep it down a little. This immature older woman decided the best way to handle things was to weep and carry on in front of six drunken college guys. Threats for appeals to the authorities were made and at one point I thought she may go all vigilante on us and fetch a gas can to burn the house down. Apparently the thud of bean bag on wood was just too much for her to handle.

What is wrong with people nowadays? What happened to love thy neighbor? This woman may not have coveted thy neighbor's wife but she for damn sure coveted thy neighbor's good times!

Being the fine young gentleman that we are, as a group, we relented. And of course, the only reasonable thing to do was morph the interior of the house into a giant grown boy's playpen. We merely converted the house into a large Cornhole arena of sorts. In the end this woman may have done us a service. Cornhole was never meant to be played inside, but last night we shook up the world.

Get yourself some good timber and craft yourself some Cornhole equipment. It is a wonderfully uniquely American thing to do.

Quote of the Day

"It's better to be an authentic loser than a false success, and to die alive than to live dead."

-William Markiewicz

Give This a Shot...

This is an Elliott Smith song from back in the day. If you do not know who Elliott Smith is than you have either never been clinically depressed or you are not an avid-music fan -- maybe both.

Elliott Smith's voice kind of sounded like he could kill himself at any moment. Coincidentally, Elliott did this. He committed suicide by stabbing himself in the chest with a butcher's knife -- pretty intense way to go, I know.

This is a, slightly, more upbeat version of the song "Between the Bars." The singer's name is Metric and I think she does a pretty good job of getting the somber vibe across.

Greg of Real World Hollywood: UF Hall of Fame?

Greg of Real World Hollywood could be the greatest Real Worlder of all time. He is pompous, arrogant, completely oblivious to others feelings and in general one the most awesomely sociopathic television characters of all time.

Say what you want about the guy, but he is the soul reason, aside from Joey's head-against-the-wall routine, that anyone is watching this group of bores. I am proud to have Greg as a fellow Gator -- either he is smarter than all of us and is taking us "peasants" for a ride or he really is this disconnected from reality and society, so much so that he is the most uniquely self-centered person anyone has ever seen.

Either way, my ass will be glued to the couch for the Real World at 10 tonight. And I salute Greg, completely, for Real World's redemption.

Only in America!

Happy Wednesday

Well we've done it -- another half-week down in the books. This means more to some of us than others. I, for one, can not really differentiate Wednesday from Saturday at this point in the summer. For some, this is merely one notch of five towards the glories of freedom that the weekend holds.

So let's take this Wednesday to be thankful for either the freedom of some of our extended adolescence or the stability of steady employment and actual adulthood.

I myself have no idea how I'm going to celebrate this beacon of the mid-week. If you happen to see me and my associates out and about in the bar-scene, give me a Happy Wednesday and we'll share in a joyous clink of the glass and sip of the drink.

Sheer Comic Genious

This is a sketch from the Whitest Kids You Know. For those of you who don't know about WKYK you're not missing out on too much. They are pretty much only funny to people in altered states but, every once in a while they will produce a gem.

Bare with it through the end and try to appreciate its sheer randomness.

Quote of the Day

"Why has mankind had such a craving to be imposed upon? Why this lust after imposing creeds, imposing deeds, imposing buildings, imposing language, imposing works of art? The thing becomes an imposition and a weariness at last. Give us things that are alive and flexible, which won't last too long and become an obstruction and a weariness."

- D.H. Lawrence

Joakim Noah: A Victim of Senseless Laws

Joakim Noah was arrested early Sunday morning in downtown Gainesville. He had an open cup of cognac on the road and was subsequently taken into custody and searched yielding a "cannabis cigarette."

This is, for lack of a better label, stupid as shit.

Here and now in Gainesville, given the Haile rape situation, maybe it's time to reevaluate the merits of some of our laws and the amount of tax dollars and law-enforcement man-power spent on carrying them out.

A guy like Joakim, who has done so much good for the community and the area, should probably be cut a little slack for having an open container of alcohol. And you know what? We should all probably be cut some slack in that situation.

He wasn't causing trouble; he wasn't endangering anyone's life by driving drunk; he was back in a town, that he obviously has a real connection to, having fun on a Saturday night.

Why the hell is their an open container law to begin with? As an of-age adult should I not be allowed to walk, peacefully down the road while enjoying a cocktail or a cold beer?

If people are afraid of road-side accidents caused by pedestrians acting stupid while drinking, then why not punish the idiots who can't control themselves. Punish people who are causing problems. Enforce the public drunkenness laws. I submit that a dumb ass causing problems on the side of the road with a drink in his hand is plenty dumb enough to merely drink a little bit more, indoors, before he goes outside and reeks havoc in traffic.

Why are we wasting money dealing with such trivial laws? Is it possible that our government's bureaucracy has merely over stepped its boundaries and over-policing is the result?

The idea that Joakim, or anyone in his position, has to go into court now, resulting in money spent towards paying the judge, bailiff, DA, courthouse police and even the damn metal detector operator, makes me sick to my stomach. Think about how often this goes on with petty-ass crimes. You can see how the money really adds up. This isn't even factoring in the hassle and discomfort the person, charged with these dime-store crimes, is put through.

On another note, the fact that marijuana is illegal, while alcohol and cigarettes are not, is so heinously and hypocritically bogus it really doesn't even deserve more conversation. Anyone with a brain realizes that alcohol companies and big tobacco have so many lobbyists and so many resources at their disposal that this wrong, truly will, never be righted.

As for Gainesville police, as well as police everywhere -- get a grip. There are real crimes, involving real drugs, going on out there. Only a moron really thinks the job you do isn't noble or completely necessary but, for God's sake, show some discretion. That's your job. Fight the good fight -- not the local hero back in town, for a drink and a joint to relax.

Aries Spears: Maybe Better at Freestyles Than the Rappers He's Imitating

Pretty self-explanatory.

I Would Be the WNBA's MVP Every Year of My Career

I am annoyed by many things in life. Now while I strive to keep an open mind and be less effected in the day to day, still, certain things just bother me. This includes, but is not exclusive to, all the "new" Boston Red Sox fans -- it's suddenly so vogue to cheer for the previously much-maligned losers -- ZIMA, Michael Moore, monotone know-it-alls, classic boxers, ignorance, the Oakland Raiders, Nickelback and, of course, the WNBA.

The WNBA is terrible. Now I'm not saying women shouldn't be allowed to play sports but, I'll tell you one thing, they shouldn't be playing basketball, in prime time, on major network television.

The NBA pumps enough money into that league to keep it afloat. Granted, it's a wonderful PR move in that they get points for their tremendous commitment to equality.

Let's be honest though. Women won't even watch the WNBA. The game is slow, their are mediocre skills and they wear shorts and jerseys that are bigger and baggier than even their male counterpart's.

Recently, to my own delight, they have been running a series of commercials that, literally, by the end, have you wondering if they are in fact telling us not to watch their product because it stinks so terribly.

Someone recently told me that he believed Candace Parker would beat me in a game of one on one; Candace Parker is a notable WNBA "star." And let me tell you something ladies and gentleman -- I would rub Candace Parker to the glass.

There is no way she would beat me. Not possible. I would back her down on offense for easy layups every time I had the ball. On defense she would be overwhelmed by physical play and tenacity -- things notably missing from her league. I would win 11-4 or 11-5.

This brings me to another topic of issue. Is there anything more aggravating and out of line than when you are engaged in some intense, serious pick-up-game basketball and a girl gets downs and calls next. This is not fair.

Whichever person is deemed to be the worst defender, a designation embarrassing enough as is, is then disrespected further by having to guard the girl. This is an absolute lose, lose situation. If he actually guards her then he is an asshole. If he goes easy on her and she happens to score a few points he is "getting dogged by a girl."

Next time this happens I'd rather the girl walk onto the court, mid-game and just dump a can of gas on the middle of the court. She should then say something like "ok, uh parties over guys... go ahead and get the hell outta here," and then she could set the court on fire. This is, effectively, what is done anyway. It would be a much better story and much more entertaining though.