Karl Malone: You Are An Asshole

It seems that Jimmy Kimmel could have made an extra sketch using his Karl Malone, black-face routine. It would have to go something like this: "Hi kids, 'dis here Karl Malone. Even thoguh Karl Malone made hundred million dollar while Karl played NBA. Karl Malone not gonna pay $200 a week to his son in child support. C'mon! Karl Malone fathered that kid when his mom was 13. Karl Malone was already a sophomore in college!"

This is, unfortunately, a true story; it seems as though the scum really will also rise. Karl Malone's illegitimate son was just drafted into the NFL; his name is Demetrius Bell and his mother was 13 when a college-aged Karl Malone knocked her up.

Malone famously re-entered the lives of his illegitimate twin girls a few years ago -- after they had risen to prominence playing basketball at Karl's alma-mater Louisiana Tech. Bell hasn't quite been as lucky; he was told by Malone, when he was 18, that he was too old to have a relationship with his father and that he'd have to make his own way.

It is for that reason that Demetrius Bell chooses to imagine that his mother really just went to the sperm bank rather than think about the abandonment by his famous father. To Bell's credit he seems to have taken everything in stride, he hasn't found success on the basketball court, but maybe he'll make his won way on the football field.

It's sad enough, any time, that a child has to grow up without one of their parents. But when you grow up watching your father make multi-million dollars, in the spotlight of national television, while cultivating some bullshit, truck driving, wholesome cowboy image and then you have to turn around and fight him in court for pennies, well, that just sucks.

I knew Malone was a bitch when he sold his soul to the Lakers to try and win a championship. I didn't know he was a dead-beat bitch though. Screw you Karl.