Back In the Fold

My absence from posting has been alarming even for myself. I had no idea I've been slacking so hard. The steady hum of a wasted summer has fooled me into complacency; no more I say.

I have managed to pull myself up and out of my mid-summer slump by the old boot straps, and I look forward to a valuable rest of the way out. The posts are going to flow like the salmon of Capistrano migrate (Dumb and Dumber allusion) and a general upsmanship in all facets of life shall take place. If anyone is interested in enjoying my new "Seize the Summer" campaign, let me know. Activities will include trips to the springs, beach and Lake Wauburg (the Crypton to my Superman) as well as light evening wine drinking, music listening, aggressive reading, conversationalism, competitive sports and much, much more.

This very evening I plan on going to Friday Night Lights at our very own Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. There, I will eat free BBQ while taking in the sights of our state's greatest high school football prospects. Afterwards, I am planning to go to the Downtown Community Plaza for some live bluegrass and folk music. If all goes to plan, a brief midtown trip may be in order.

This is how the rest of the summer is going to go down people; no more bullshitting around. I've got a life to live damn it, and the summer time is no time at all to sulk. It's a time to get funky.

Keep jukin'.

Engagements, Rome and the Titillating Feeling of Perpetual Boredom and Excessive Melancholy

Well sports fans, it has been one helluva stretch run. As we pound out the remainder of this god forsaken summer of our lord, two-thousand and eight, I can't help but reflect on these "glory" days.

As if I needed to be reminded of the extent of my immaturity, one of my most very special good friends got engaged to be married quite recently. He waited for the best possible moment and unleashed a surprise "will you marry me," the likes of which, we will probably never again see. The two are going to make a wonderful pair and have a happy and fulfilling life together to look forward to. As a bonus, they will probably pump out a series of All-Pro offensive tackles in the next 30 years or so. I am estimating that their male children will probably be about 6'8" and weigh 340 lbs. They will be insanely agile for their size, with plenty of natural athleticism to boot. I am ecstatic for these two young love birds and look forward to their wedding next spring.

Aside from love being in the air for some, this summer has been shit. Remember when you were a child and summers were awesome because you knew how to be imaginative and constructively occupy your time? When did they stop being fun? When did not having anything to do become a burden instead of a warm slice of heaven? I am a firm believer in living in the now and appreciating the moment, but for God's sake, I feel like I'm really grasping at straws. Time has seemingly slowed; interest in everything has waned; I can't even sit still happily and contently during the journey through this endless abyss of hot air, boredom and sports sabbatical. Good day to you all. I hope you are enjoying your summers more than me.

Matt Jones: "Cocaine's A Helluva Drug"

It seems Matt Jones' judgement is about as sound as his hand's in the red zone. The under-performing Jaguars wide receiver was arrested Thursday, in Fayettville, after police found him and two others in a truck cutting up in excess of six grams of cocaine. Upon further investigation the police also discovered a jar of marijuana.

Six grams is a lot of cocaine by any standard. After one gram you can actually be charged with intent to deliver, although it looks like the authorities are not going to take that angle in the Jones case.

I just don't get it. Why the hell don't these athletes just do their dirt at home. It's like high-paid, professional athletes who get DUIs -- are you kidding me? Get one of your minions to drive you. Better yet, have one of your do-boys ready to take the fall if you are ever caught with copious amounts of narcotics. That's what they're there for.

A Little Flight of the Conchords For Ya'

The Flight of the Conchords is one of those little television programs that just grows into you. I know there are some people who don't get it, or are a little put off by their sideways humor and charismatic New Zealand accents, but for me they're just the tops. Enjoy this clip of the band performing their smash hit If You're Into It.

Sacha Baren Cohen: Back In The Saddle

He's at it again. This time Sacha Baren Cohen's character of choice is Bruno -- the gay, Austrian, fashion aficionado sent to America to straighten people's sense of style out while simultaneously attempting to make heterosexual men squirm.


The working title of Bruno's movie, the follow up to Cohen's smash hit Borat movie, is "Brüno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt."


Following the Borat movie, Cohen came under attack, by some conservative groups, for taking advantage of people during filming, causing them to look foolish on film -- a distinction they probably deserve.


Last month, a crowd of 1500 Arkansas natives were duped into being a part of the new Bruno movie. They were drawn to an event called Blue Collar Brawlin', which featured $1 beers and promised "hot chicks, cold beer, hardcore fights." The event was staged by Cohen and his associates; the crowd didn't exactly get what they had planned for: In the last bout of the night, the two brawlers tore each others clothes off and began kissing each other's bare chests while wearing only underwear. The display of man on man action nearly caused a riot as the drunken (and I'm sure very ignorant crowd) began to throw their beers and chairs into the ring.


I'm sure the movie is going to be a classic and I can't wait to check it out. It seems Cohen still has no mercy for our country's red-necked segment of society. This is the poster that Cohen and friends used.

Quote of the Day

"If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for what we really are."

—Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Check This Out

If any of you have played FIFA Soccer for the XBOX 360 you may recognize this little gem of London, power hip-hop. The group is called Mattafix and they're quite a catchy bunch. This is definitely good background music. I suggest you ride out to it as you continue your internet browsing experience. Enjoy.

Good News Bucs Fans!

Well Bucs fans, it looks like you've had yourself one hell of a draft. It has been leaked that the two players who brawled at the rookie symposium last week were none other than your 1st round draft pick, Aqib Talib, and your 7th round draft pick, Cory Boyd.

The rookie symposium is like a big workshop set up to help get rookie NFL players adjusted to their new lifestyles and the decisions they'll face because of them. Apparently, the two were in a budget and finances meeting when the punches began to fly. Although the life-budgeting seminar might have been what sent these two class-acts over the top, they had been jawing back and forth all day.

Talib had some character concerns heading into the draft -- some believe that this caused him to drop, allowing the Bucs to take him in the 1st; he had previously been thought a higher prospect than that. One league insider was quoted as saying, "trouble just follows Talib. . . . He can’t help himself, and it’s never his fault.”

As for Mr. Boyd, some of you SEC football fans may remember when he was suspended by South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier in 2005. Boyd was later let back on the team. After scoring his first touchdown since being back from his suspension, Boyd smartly told one sideline camera, "I'm back. I'm back like cooked crack."

Quote of the Day

"Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

-John Donne

I'm Keith Hernandez

Obviously, New York Met's shortstop Jose Reyes doesn't watch Seinfeld re-runs in his free time. If he did, he would know Keith Hernandez is not a man to be trifled with because he... is Keith Hernandez.

Hernandez, who is now thew Met's color-commentator, was confronted by Reyes as the team boarded their plane on Friday. He was upset because Hernandez said the team needed to quit babying the very talented but sometimes underachieving Reyes. The two did not come to blows as was first leaked, but a heated "conversation" clearly occurred.

If physical violence had indeed been necessary, Reyes would have been given a sound and complete beating by the mustachioed moniker of masculinity.

The picture doesn't lie. Chewing tobacco and dip weren't enough to satisfy the Nicotine needs of Hernandez during the heat of battle, in his heyday, so often time Marlboro Reds were called upon. Those were the days: when men were men and women stayed out of the dugout.

Here's to you Keith Hernandez.

Brandon Jennings: The Belle of the Ball

Brandon Jennings, as pictured at left, had one of the greatest haircuts of the modern era. He also happens to be one of the best basketball players in all the land.

He is so good he may shun college basketball to go play overseas to make money immediately. This would be a shock to the college basketball world as Jennings would be the first prep-star to find a way around the NBA's new year-of-college rule.

If this guy were coming to UF I would undoubtebly have a new favorite player. Between the flash and substance on the court B-Jenn is sure to be a hit wherever he ends up.

This video below does a pretty good job of showing off this guys freakish athleticism and homegrown talent.

Fear and Loathing In the Vaccum of Summer

The movie Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas occupied a special place in my heart as a late teen. I don't know if it was the glamour of the reckless drug use, or the view of the dark side of the 60s, and how scary things got for some drug users as they pulled out of my favorite cultural-era of American history. Whatever it was, it was the coolest movie I'd seen up to that point in time. This video recaptures a little bit of that feeling.

The Warlock Marcin Gortat

This is Marcin Gortat. He is a Polish superstar and reserve center for my favorite NBA team, The Orlando Magicians.

Gortat is all heart -- a hustle player who's energy, intensity and burning desire for victory far outweigh any natural skill or athleticism he may posses. Gortat is slowly becoming my go to Magic-man. It's too easy and cliche' to have Dwight or Turk as your guy. I need a player who can heat it up at a moments notice like a walking microwave off the bench.

Gortat's place in my heart was cemented after I saw the quote featured in the above picture. I can see him utter those words with sincerity in his eyes after finally getting in a game for the first time -- in the 62nd game of the season.

Executions Are Soo Back In Florida

No matter where you stand on the death penalty issue, the fact of the matter is Florida is set to end an 18-month hiatus from the lethal injection game on Tuesday.

The year and a half reprieve was due to a botched execution in February of last year. Angel Diaz was seen wincing in pain as a second lethal cocktail was needed to stop his heart. An investigation showed the IV needle had been pushed all the way through his vein. This case was pointed to, by those against the death penalty, as an example of why there is no perfect and humane way of ending a human's life.

Convicted murderer and rapist, Mark David Schwab, is set for execution for 6 p.m. In 1991 Schwab raped and murdered an 11-year-old girl.

It's amazing to me how concerned we are with the comfort of those set for execution. I mean I'm not really into the death penalty in general; I think a life in prison is probably enough for just about any crime, but it seems ridiculous to me that we decide we have the right as a society to choose to end someone's life, and then we turn around and act like we're really concerned with their solace at the end of the day.

It just seems disingenuous, and I for one would be a little put off by all the posturing if it were me who was condemned.

Classic Tebow

Some say Dwight Howard is the Superman of the sports world -- not me. As much as I love Dwight, it's got to be Tebow. Dwight Howard doesn't fight international terrorism and circumcise babies.