Here We Go

And it begins. Today marks a very important day in the spectrum of the few dates I would consider important. The University of Florida football team kicked off practice this morning with an all freshman a.m. session. The vets will take the field this evening, completing a glorious day of Gator Football preparation.

The air just smells a little different today, the water tastes a little sweeter. There is hope and promise swarming through Gainesville -- a ripple that can be felt. It's tough to be too upset on a summer day like this. Football has arrived; the king is back.

Hell. I was even excited to watch a preseason NFL game last night between two teams I couldn't care less about. It was just refreshing to see some pigskin on TV.

Happy football season to all. May God shine his rays of goodness and virtue down upon the finest team in all the land, and bring us home another much-deserved set of championships.

Greg Norman: Showing Us That A Choke Is A Choke At Any Age

I like Greg Norman, I really do. He has nice blond hair, and he's Australian, and he's got a cool nickname: The Shark, he even usually wears ridiculous hats (like the one pictured at right) which is nice. He seems like an affable and all around nice guy -- not too hard to cheer for right?

This weekend I found myself strangely intrigued by The Open Championship, even without Tiger Woods casting his shadow of awesomeness across the field of hacks. The reason was simple: Greg Norman's old, and recently married, ass was clinging to the lead like a sucker fish to the belly of a Great White. He seemed like a fungus. Now granted, it was a very happy, feel-good story type fungus, but fungus nonetheless.

The 53-year-old had the lead after 54 holes, a two stroke lead at that. The whole sports world watched on to see if The Shark could seal the deal, do the impossible and become the oldest major winner of all time. He could not. And for the seventh time in his career, Greg Norman blew the lead in a major after holding it through three rounds -- an impressive feat in it's own right.

When he bogeyed one you thought "it's OK he'll settle down." When he bogeyed two it was "alright, it's a long round Greg, you're still sniffing the lead." But after a bogey on three, it was "you idiot, what the hell are you doing, man? what are you insane? this could be historic, stop choking!" But alas, no matter what, no matter how rosily colored by the media, no matter how fawned over for his perseverance over our greatest of adversaries, age -- this was still Greg Norman -- an older choker, but a choker just the same.

I applaud him for being there, but he could have taken the damn thing down and made himself one of the sports stories of the year.

Matt Jones: "Cocaine's A Helluva Drug"

It seems Matt Jones' judgement is about as sound as his hand's in the red zone. The under-performing Jaguars wide receiver was arrested Thursday, in Fayettville, after police found him and two others in a truck cutting up in excess of six grams of cocaine. Upon further investigation the police also discovered a jar of marijuana.

Six grams is a lot of cocaine by any standard. After one gram you can actually be charged with intent to deliver, although it looks like the authorities are not going to take that angle in the Jones case.

I just don't get it. Why the hell don't these athletes just do their dirt at home. It's like high-paid, professional athletes who get DUIs -- are you kidding me? Get one of your minions to drive you. Better yet, have one of your do-boys ready to take the fall if you are ever caught with copious amounts of narcotics. That's what they're there for.

Good News Bucs Fans!

Well Bucs fans, it looks like you've had yourself one hell of a draft. It has been leaked that the two players who brawled at the rookie symposium last week were none other than your 1st round draft pick, Aqib Talib, and your 7th round draft pick, Cory Boyd.

The rookie symposium is like a big workshop set up to help get rookie NFL players adjusted to their new lifestyles and the decisions they'll face because of them. Apparently, the two were in a budget and finances meeting when the punches began to fly. Although the life-budgeting seminar might have been what sent these two class-acts over the top, they had been jawing back and forth all day.

Talib had some character concerns heading into the draft -- some believe that this caused him to drop, allowing the Bucs to take him in the 1st; he had previously been thought a higher prospect than that. One league insider was quoted as saying, "trouble just follows Talib. . . . He can’t help himself, and it’s never his fault.”

As for Mr. Boyd, some of you SEC football fans may remember when he was suspended by South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier in 2005. Boyd was later let back on the team. After scoring his first touchdown since being back from his suspension, Boyd smartly told one sideline camera, "I'm back. I'm back like cooked crack."

I'm Keith Hernandez

Obviously, New York Met's shortstop Jose Reyes doesn't watch Seinfeld re-runs in his free time. If he did, he would know Keith Hernandez is not a man to be trifled with because he... is Keith Hernandez.

Hernandez, who is now thew Met's color-commentator, was confronted by Reyes as the team boarded their plane on Friday. He was upset because Hernandez said the team needed to quit babying the very talented but sometimes underachieving Reyes. The two did not come to blows as was first leaked, but a heated "conversation" clearly occurred.

If physical violence had indeed been necessary, Reyes would have been given a sound and complete beating by the mustachioed moniker of masculinity.

The picture doesn't lie. Chewing tobacco and dip weren't enough to satisfy the Nicotine needs of Hernandez during the heat of battle, in his heyday, so often time Marlboro Reds were called upon. Those were the days: when men were men and women stayed out of the dugout.

Here's to you Keith Hernandez.

Brandon Jennings: The Belle of the Ball

Brandon Jennings, as pictured at left, had one of the greatest haircuts of the modern era. He also happens to be one of the best basketball players in all the land.

He is so good he may shun college basketball to go play overseas to make money immediately. This would be a shock to the college basketball world as Jennings would be the first prep-star to find a way around the NBA's new year-of-college rule.

If this guy were coming to UF I would undoubtebly have a new favorite player. Between the flash and substance on the court B-Jenn is sure to be a hit wherever he ends up.

This video below does a pretty good job of showing off this guys freakish athleticism and homegrown talent.

The Warlock Marcin Gortat

This is Marcin Gortat. He is a Polish superstar and reserve center for my favorite NBA team, The Orlando Magicians.

Gortat is all heart -- a hustle player who's energy, intensity and burning desire for victory far outweigh any natural skill or athleticism he may posses. Gortat is slowly becoming my go to Magic-man. It's too easy and cliche' to have Dwight or Turk as your guy. I need a player who can heat it up at a moments notice like a walking microwave off the bench.

Gortat's place in my heart was cemented after I saw the quote featured in the above picture. I can see him utter those words with sincerity in his eyes after finally getting in a game for the first time -- in the 62nd game of the season.

Classic Tebow

Some say Dwight Howard is the Superman of the sports world -- not me. As much as I love Dwight, it's got to be Tebow. Dwight Howard doesn't fight international terrorism and circumcise babies.

Allow Me To Introduce You To Marvin "Bad News" Barnes

Ladies and gentleman, allow me to introduce you to Marvin "Bad News" Barnes. Barnes was an ABA star, a classic representation of the leagues flash and funky style. He was a high-flying big man with as much game as swagger on and off the court.

Barnes received his epic nickname in college after beating a teammate with a tire iron during one dubious practice session. Barnes career was plagued by altercations, drug abuse and , in general, surly behavior.

When Barnes finally cracked into the NBA, he played for the Celtics where he was known to walk into the the locker room, take off his coat and unassumingly hang his double-pistoled gun holster in his locker next to his practice gear. He was also notorious for, during games, placing his towel over his head, on the bench, and snorting copious amounts of blow.

As outrageous as that may seem, my favorite "Bad News" story comes from his ABA days:


During an ABA playoff series while playing for the leagues Louisville affiliate, Barnes and his team prepared to board a flight to St. Louis for their playoff game. Before getting on the plane, Barnes astutely noticed the flight board which said the flight was set to take off at 4:04 and land in St. Louis at 4:00 -- clearly a board which had been adjusted for the time change between the two cities. Bad News wasn't buying it.

Barnes refused to get on the plane, and subsequently missed the playoff game. When asked by a reporter, at the airport, why he wouldn't get on the plane with his team, Barnes simply said, "I ain't gettin' on no time machine."


Absolutely classic.

LT Appreciation Day

I don't think we give Lawrence Taylor nearly as much credit as he deserves. Sure, he went through a period of time where he was addicted to crack-cocaine. Some think this should be his legacy. I do not. He should at least be known for that one time he ended Joe Thiesman's career by snapping his leg like a cheap piece of Lincoln Log.



This is clearly one of the most devastating sports-related injuries of all time, and should be cherished as such.

I guess it has a certain tragic sense to it, although it is hard to muster up sympathy for a guy who changed the pronunciation of his last name, during his senior year of college, in order for it to hokely rhyme with the nation's most prestigious football trophy.

At any rate, let's take today to appreciate the beast that was LT. He pretty much reinvented the blitzing linebacker position and was clearly one of the most feared professional athletes in human history. Crack addiction aside, LT is pretty legitimate and should be remembered for his dominance on the field as well as his likeness' dominance in the game Tecmo Bowl. If you've ever shot the gap up the middle, on every down and distance, with LT, on the NES you know what I'm talking about.

Tiger: Done For The Year

Apparently, Tiger's injury was more serious than some of us may have given him credit for. He'll undergo surgery to repair his ACL which will cause him to miss the rest of the season. That includes the British Open in July as well as the PGA Championship in August.

This makes Tiger's US Open Championship even more impressive. I do believe we may have witnessed the greatest Major performance of all time.

Well, Javon Walker Has Lost IT

The Javon Walker story has taken a strange, and nearly unbelievable, turn thanks to a statement from none other than J-Walk himself. Here is Walker's statement:

“I was just back at my room and at about 5:30 in the morning I got a knock at the door. I opened it and 3 guys with guns were there. They cracked me in the head a few times, knocking me unconscious. They then robbed me of everything I had; my watch, money, everything! Somehow they got me to a car and dropped me off in the street. That’s what happened.”

This makes absolutely no sense Javon. Why the hell would anybody beat a man unconscious in his swanky hotel, rob him of everything and then decide to drag his limp body through said swanky hotel only to load him into a car and dump his body on one of the most heavily video-monitored strips of road in the country? Why not leave his body in the hotel? Could these just be the dumbest, and most overly-active crooks of all time or is something bizarre going on here?

If this really happened wouldn't there be an abundance of video evidence of this crime in almost all of its stages -- the dragging of the body through the hotel, out to the car and then the car dumping a body on the strip?

I'm starting to think that my pee-on-the-wall story is what happened.

Something is fishy in Raider-land.

Jemele Hill: What The Hell Were You Thinking?

ESPN Columnist and segment-host Jemele Hill has been suspended for an indefinite amount of time for her comments about cheering for the Boston Celtics. I quote:

“Rooting for the Celtics is like saying Hitler was a victim. It’s like hoping Gorbachev would get to the blinking red button before Reagan.”

Not only was this comment pretty insensitive and thoughtless, it wasn't even funny. Not even a little bit. For a noteworthy columnist, it must be incredibly embarrassing to get called out for saying something insanely stupid especially when you are simultaneously outed to the world as not being funny. What a slap in the face -- total insult to injury.

Now, when I first heard this story, I thought it was incredibly inappropriate to suspend this woman. She was only doing her job, and although her comments may have been thoughtless, they certainly weren't filled with hate or any real venom; no harm, no foul.

I always think that our first amendment rights need to be protected at all times. If someone in the media says something hurtful or offensive, let the sponsors dictate whether they keep their jobs or not. At the end of the day, money is king, and the market will determine who survives.

I felt that way, 100%, until I heard what Jemele Hill had to say after Don Imus' moronic rant pertaining to "nappy headed hoes" and the Rutger's Women's Basketball Team. Hill called for his head and his job for his transgressions, and for that (and not her own comments) she should be suspended.

In fact, Hill should call for her own suspension -- anything short of that would be hypocritical. She should have known better.

Imus is an idiot and people like him are ignorant, but at the end of the day, he is what he is: a bigot and a second-rate shock-jock. Even morons should be able to voice their opinions though. If we don't like it, turn it off. And if it's really that offensive, sponsors will pull off, which in turn will cause the wrong-doer to lose their job the old-fashioned, American way.

Hypocrisy is almost as bad a censorship. We should accept neither.

Javon Walker: Victim of Robbery or Victim of the Strip

Javon Walker, the Oakland Raider's newly-acquired wide receiver, was found unconscious on the Vegas strip Monday morning; it is suspected that he was the victim of a robbery and pretty significant beat down.

Why must we paint such a bleak picture of the man who cradled slain teammate Darent Williams in his arms after a club-related shooting a few years ago?

It is being said that Walker was targeted because he was in the club "spraying the crowd down with Dom Perignon" -- always a good way to announce that you've got a little bit of coin and almost no shame.

Apparently, Walker walked out of the club Tryst and the rest seems to have been a, Deebow vs. Craig, Smokey on the call style, "you got knocked the fuck out."

I would present a different story.

I bet my dog J-Walk was in the club racking up $15,000 tabs -- J-Walk style -- pouring Dom on ladies heads and in general having a pretty damn good time. Being a new Oakland Raider, J-Walk knew egregiousness needed to cease being exception and quickly become the rule. Long Island Iced Teas, off of an ice luge shaped like Lloyd Carr's neck gizzard and Coronas, hold the lime bar-keep, ensued.

J-Walk, like most men, probably enjoys the simple things in life like the outdoor urination while intoxicated.

I submit to you that J-Walk merely stepped out of the club to pee outside on a wall and passed out causing him to fall face first into said wall, and thus, rendering him unconscious. A crackhead probably noticed this large, passed out, jewelery-clad gentleman and simply took his wallet and accouterments. And Bam! There's your robbery.

When in doubt look to the most simple of answers.

Bow Down To The Tiger

What Tiger Woods did yesterday at the U.S. Open was one of the most incredible things I've ever seen. If you missed it I feel sorry for you; it truly was one of those magical moments that competitive sport, on the highest level, can afford you every once in a while.

If he goes on to win the championship it is only that much more of a testament to the fact that he, even at this relatively young age, is the greatest golfer of all time. The only question left has to be: Will Tiger Woods end up being the greatest athlete of all time?

I think he's got a shot.

Make sure you watch today. Everyone is certainly going to try to give him a run for his money but he's never lost a major while leading after 54 holes. Hell, it will most certainly be more entertaining than watching Boston and the Big Three put Kobe and his band of flunkies out of their misery.

Caption This

Caption this picture of maligned Bears, and former Gators, quarterback Rex Grossman.

Rex was never the prototypical "big man on campus" but I mean, honestly, who could resist the power of the neard -- the neck-beard for those of you who live under a rock.

It appears Rex likes the captain even more than, seemingly, no-look intercptions to the flats.

Way To Go Lakers

Well, just when we thought we may have an epic series on our hands, that could go the distance and provide us with classic moments for the ages, Kobe and his group of flunkies managed to piss away a 24 point lead, at home, in the most critical of Finals games.

In, what could be, one of the most pathetic displays of playoff fortitude I've ever seen, the Lakers managed to score 33 points in the second half after dropping an absurd 34 in the first quarter. I think the Lakers had us collectively wondering if we'd been wrong about which team had more potential, them or Boston. But when you have Lamar Odom remember that he is a career underachieving bum, "The Gasman" Pau Gasol remember that he is still a soft-ass, Euro mid-range stooge and Kobe Bryant perform like a WNBA role player, admittedly, it's tough to win -- even when the other team basically spots you 25.

Once the Lakers lose this series I hope the Kobe-Jordan comparisons can be immediately placed on hold. I'm pretty sure MJ never blew a lead like that, in the Finals, while allowing himself to completely disappear at times finishing with a dismal 17 points.

Kobe needed to will that team to a win last night and, in the end, he just couldn't do it. I guess that magic "switch" that Kobe claimed to be able to turn on at will, at least for last night, was short circuited by Paul Pierce's defence.

Game four was almost exactly like watching the tortoise and the hare -- that is if the hare was notoriously soft and fully expected to eventually be run down by the gritty and stubborn tortoise, even if, for a few minutes, he made you believe he was going to sprint away with the race.

Get Your Sned-ness Up

Ladies and gentleman, this is Brandt Snedeker. He is my new favorite golfer.

After watching him down the stretch at The Masters, I couldn't help but be drawn to his calming demeanor and general lack of concern about the magnitude of his situation. He reminds me of Dupree from the cinematic masterpiece "You, Me and Dupree." I imagine that he likes to talk about regaining his Sned-ness when he's having a rough go at it out on the links. He is, no doubt, in tune with his zen and, truth be told, I'm not sure he really cares whether he succeeds or fails; the Sned is always happy with a strong personal effort.

I have money riding on Snedeker today so my fan-hood is at an even higher level. Let's just say if Sned makes the cut at the U.S. Open this weekend I'll be one happy man.

Hopefully the guy is throwing seven kinds of smoke.

C'mon MJ -- Pull It Together

It seems MJ has been enjoying himself since his seperation from his wife. This picture is a testament to just how much fun he's having.

I'm not sure what his Airness is on in this snapshot but it seems to be quite potent. For all you Kobe hypers who think he's as good as MJ, this is the state Air Jordan would have to be in for Kobe to have a shot. Jordan would probably still have to spot him five playing to 11.

All jokes aside, the guy is awesome. He probably just blew a mil and a half at the Blackjack tables and is about to find a ten to bed.

Only in America! Long live the King!

I've Got a Case of the Belmont Blues

Well the Belmont is upon us and that can only mean one thing; horse racing will go away tonight and be forgotten about, by nearly everyone in the world, until the Kentucky Derby next year. It's a sad fact of horse racing. It has a shelf life of about 5 weeks a year and then it's gone. While it's here, however, let's enjoy it.

Big Brown makes a run at the Triple Crown today; he would be the first horse to complete the Crown in 30 years. This magnificent beast has a chance to go down as one of the greatest horses of all time if he can pull off this elusive collection of victories.

There have only been two horses this century, besides Big Brown, to win the Derby and the Preakness by four lengths or more, the last of which was in 1941. Neither of those horses won at the Belmont. To bolster Big Brown's case for greatness more, the last Triple Crown horse was Affirmed in 1978. Affirmed only had to beat four other horses in the Belmont; Big Brown will have to beat eight.

Let's all, collectively, enjoy the decadence and frivolousness of the horse racing culture this afternoon. It is a flash in the pan, two minute race, that should be harnessed into a merry little time.

Enjoy.