Hope and Thurdays: An Introspective Look at American Dope-Mongering

Strange and pervasive thoughts this Friday-eve. As we all gear up for the true beginning of Fall, let's briefly pause to appreciate the moment. Football is upon us, and hope springs eternal. But are we allowing these precious moments to slip by, placing a constant premium on the next big thrill?

It seems to me that, as humans in the technological golden-age, we have become so hypersensitive to the future, we fail to give credence to the immediacy of our existence. The same can be said for dwelling on the past. For some, the past and future aren't just as real as the present, but they're thought about so much they become more real. When this happens are we even alive at all? It's like we can't possibly appreciate one amazing moment unless we have the assurance that there is more to come.

I read a book that explained the phenomenon as the ultimate human tragedy: Bound by our constant thoughts of frailty, we become like dope fiends scrambling to make sure we don't miss a thing.

Don't fall victim to this constant looking forward! Recognize that Saturday will be fun, but don't allow it to consume your Thursday. If you look hard enough, there will always be a bigger game, bigger thrill, bigger dope rush.

Take what you're doing now, do it well, and -- most importantly -- enjoy it.

A New Day

Well, hello, all. I'm back!

It's been a long year since last posting on the finest Gainesville-area, Vegas-themed blog. Too long.

I'm a year older and a year wiser, and I can't wait to share more notes, quotes and anecdotes with all my people. We all need our creative outlet, and, for awhile, I'd lost mine.

Since my last post, I've graduated college, started a tutoring business -- aptly coined The Tutoring Company -- with one of me main homies, Marlo G. Swag aka Mark Musselman aka Magnum PI, and generally eased into semi-adult life like an old man into a warm bath.

Life is good!

Since becoming a captain of the tutoring industry, I've happened upon copious amounts of unadulturated free time -- time that will now be filled with insightful (hopefully) rants and ravings.

Here We Go

And it begins. Today marks a very important day in the spectrum of the few dates I would consider important. The University of Florida football team kicked off practice this morning with an all freshman a.m. session. The vets will take the field this evening, completing a glorious day of Gator Football preparation.

The air just smells a little different today, the water tastes a little sweeter. There is hope and promise swarming through Gainesville -- a ripple that can be felt. It's tough to be too upset on a summer day like this. Football has arrived; the king is back.

Hell. I was even excited to watch a preseason NFL game last night between two teams I couldn't care less about. It was just refreshing to see some pigskin on TV.

Happy football season to all. May God shine his rays of goodness and virtue down upon the finest team in all the land, and bring us home another much-deserved set of championships.

Remember This?

Remember The Darkness? I surely do. They happened to be the purveyors of songs that a high schooler is likely to get stuck in their head; I was that high-schooler and am probably the better for it. Regardless, this is a damn catchy song which can be enjoyed by any age group.

Quote of the Day

"Jesse Jackson also said he thought Barack Obama was talking down to black people by lecturing them on things like fatherhood and being a responsible husband. Jesse thought it was insulting not only to him, but to his former mistress and their love child."

-Jay Leno

An Interesting Read

I am going to post the entire article at the end of this blog, but some key portions raise a few quality questions.

Basically, the article is about Berea College. Berea is interesting in that it only recruits student's from low income families and charges them nothing to attend school. The food they eat is grown on campus, the furniture is made in various courses and each student is required to work a 10 hour-a-week job. The majority of the student's expenses, however, are paid for with the college's massive endowment of $1.1 billion.

Most universities have large endowments, although many are no where near the size of Berea's. It does raise an interesting question though: As the economy hits the shitter, are we doing enough to help students pay for their educations?

Here at the University of Florida we're having programs, as well as jobs, cut left and right. Tuition rates are steadily rising, funding is being cut yet UF sits on top of $1.2 billion -- a number that will probably continue to rise.

Obviously, I don't think it would be a good idea for every institution of higher learning to adopt the Berea model, but maybe we could do more. I mean that is a hell of a lot of money just sitting there. Are we waiting for a rainy day to crack the massive piggy bank? It would seem this is some sort of a rainy day. Maybe we need to look more closely at the piggy bank.

Here's the article. Give it a gander.

Greg Norman: Showing Us That A Choke Is A Choke At Any Age

I like Greg Norman, I really do. He has nice blond hair, and he's Australian, and he's got a cool nickname: The Shark, he even usually wears ridiculous hats (like the one pictured at right) which is nice. He seems like an affable and all around nice guy -- not too hard to cheer for right?

This weekend I found myself strangely intrigued by The Open Championship, even without Tiger Woods casting his shadow of awesomeness across the field of hacks. The reason was simple: Greg Norman's old, and recently married, ass was clinging to the lead like a sucker fish to the belly of a Great White. He seemed like a fungus. Now granted, it was a very happy, feel-good story type fungus, but fungus nonetheless.

The 53-year-old had the lead after 54 holes, a two stroke lead at that. The whole sports world watched on to see if The Shark could seal the deal, do the impossible and become the oldest major winner of all time. He could not. And for the seventh time in his career, Greg Norman blew the lead in a major after holding it through three rounds -- an impressive feat in it's own right.

When he bogeyed one you thought "it's OK he'll settle down." When he bogeyed two it was "alright, it's a long round Greg, you're still sniffing the lead." But after a bogey on three, it was "you idiot, what the hell are you doing, man? what are you insane? this could be historic, stop choking!" But alas, no matter what, no matter how rosily colored by the media, no matter how fawned over for his perseverance over our greatest of adversaries, age -- this was still Greg Norman -- an older choker, but a choker just the same.

I applaud him for being there, but he could have taken the damn thing down and made himself one of the sports stories of the year.

Whaa??

Check out this awesome picture of two of the NBA's premier point guards.

For reason's unknown to anyone, Baron Davis and Steve Nash decided to hop on a two person bicycle and cruise around the greater Santa Monica area.

I don't know what I like better, the balance of Baron's Mr. Rogers, conservative and cautious style sweater and daredevil one handed steering and camcorder recording, or Nash's Canadian interpretation of a Pee Wee's playhouse extra's outfit. The suspenders are almost as nice as the plaid shorts that they are precariously connected to.

Quote of the Day

A good man often appears gauche simply because he does not take advantage of the myriad mean little chances of making himself look stylish. Preferring truth to form, he is not constantly at work upon the facade of his appearance.

-Alanis Morissette

The Good Stuff

You may have seen Shwayze featured on MTV, as they have a show set to launch for the faux-music network.

Shwayze, and particularly this song Buzzin, is set to become the sound of the summer. The cool beats, slick groove and smooth lyrics seem to be the perfect storm as far as summer vibe joints go. Put the windows down, head towards a body of water and rock some Shwayze.

Enjoy.

Back In the Fold

My absence from posting has been alarming even for myself. I had no idea I've been slacking so hard. The steady hum of a wasted summer has fooled me into complacency; no more I say.

I have managed to pull myself up and out of my mid-summer slump by the old boot straps, and I look forward to a valuable rest of the way out. The posts are going to flow like the salmon of Capistrano migrate (Dumb and Dumber allusion) and a general upsmanship in all facets of life shall take place. If anyone is interested in enjoying my new "Seize the Summer" campaign, let me know. Activities will include trips to the springs, beach and Lake Wauburg (the Crypton to my Superman) as well as light evening wine drinking, music listening, aggressive reading, conversationalism, competitive sports and much, much more.

This very evening I plan on going to Friday Night Lights at our very own Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. There, I will eat free BBQ while taking in the sights of our state's greatest high school football prospects. Afterwards, I am planning to go to the Downtown Community Plaza for some live bluegrass and folk music. If all goes to plan, a brief midtown trip may be in order.

This is how the rest of the summer is going to go down people; no more bullshitting around. I've got a life to live damn it, and the summer time is no time at all to sulk. It's a time to get funky.

Keep jukin'.

Engagements, Rome and the Titillating Feeling of Perpetual Boredom and Excessive Melancholy

Well sports fans, it has been one helluva stretch run. As we pound out the remainder of this god forsaken summer of our lord, two-thousand and eight, I can't help but reflect on these "glory" days.

As if I needed to be reminded of the extent of my immaturity, one of my most very special good friends got engaged to be married quite recently. He waited for the best possible moment and unleashed a surprise "will you marry me," the likes of which, we will probably never again see. The two are going to make a wonderful pair and have a happy and fulfilling life together to look forward to. As a bonus, they will probably pump out a series of All-Pro offensive tackles in the next 30 years or so. I am estimating that their male children will probably be about 6'8" and weigh 340 lbs. They will be insanely agile for their size, with plenty of natural athleticism to boot. I am ecstatic for these two young love birds and look forward to their wedding next spring.

Aside from love being in the air for some, this summer has been shit. Remember when you were a child and summers were awesome because you knew how to be imaginative and constructively occupy your time? When did they stop being fun? When did not having anything to do become a burden instead of a warm slice of heaven? I am a firm believer in living in the now and appreciating the moment, but for God's sake, I feel like I'm really grasping at straws. Time has seemingly slowed; interest in everything has waned; I can't even sit still happily and contently during the journey through this endless abyss of hot air, boredom and sports sabbatical. Good day to you all. I hope you are enjoying your summers more than me.

Matt Jones: "Cocaine's A Helluva Drug"

It seems Matt Jones' judgement is about as sound as his hand's in the red zone. The under-performing Jaguars wide receiver was arrested Thursday, in Fayettville, after police found him and two others in a truck cutting up in excess of six grams of cocaine. Upon further investigation the police also discovered a jar of marijuana.

Six grams is a lot of cocaine by any standard. After one gram you can actually be charged with intent to deliver, although it looks like the authorities are not going to take that angle in the Jones case.

I just don't get it. Why the hell don't these athletes just do their dirt at home. It's like high-paid, professional athletes who get DUIs -- are you kidding me? Get one of your minions to drive you. Better yet, have one of your do-boys ready to take the fall if you are ever caught with copious amounts of narcotics. That's what they're there for.

A Little Flight of the Conchords For Ya'

The Flight of the Conchords is one of those little television programs that just grows into you. I know there are some people who don't get it, or are a little put off by their sideways humor and charismatic New Zealand accents, but for me they're just the tops. Enjoy this clip of the band performing their smash hit If You're Into It.

Sacha Baren Cohen: Back In The Saddle

He's at it again. This time Sacha Baren Cohen's character of choice is Bruno -- the gay, Austrian, fashion aficionado sent to America to straighten people's sense of style out while simultaneously attempting to make heterosexual men squirm.


The working title of Bruno's movie, the follow up to Cohen's smash hit Borat movie, is "Brüno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Males Visibly Uncomfortable in the Presence of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh T-Shirt."


Following the Borat movie, Cohen came under attack, by some conservative groups, for taking advantage of people during filming, causing them to look foolish on film -- a distinction they probably deserve.


Last month, a crowd of 1500 Arkansas natives were duped into being a part of the new Bruno movie. They were drawn to an event called Blue Collar Brawlin', which featured $1 beers and promised "hot chicks, cold beer, hardcore fights." The event was staged by Cohen and his associates; the crowd didn't exactly get what they had planned for: In the last bout of the night, the two brawlers tore each others clothes off and began kissing each other's bare chests while wearing only underwear. The display of man on man action nearly caused a riot as the drunken (and I'm sure very ignorant crowd) began to throw their beers and chairs into the ring.


I'm sure the movie is going to be a classic and I can't wait to check it out. It seems Cohen still has no mercy for our country's red-necked segment of society. This is the poster that Cohen and friends used.